(Some days it's hard to get out of bed
I feel like I'm not really there, you know?
It feels like I'm a spectator
This search of mine for meaning is so meaningless
but even so I keep searching)
I'm rational even in my emotions
I want something concrete even in the abstract
Give me the certainty that you want me too
I don't like theories, I work with facts
I hate all of life's uncertainties
Every maybe you always tell me
Give me the guarantee of a perfect future
Instability always splits us up
What's the point of everything I do, tell me
I don't want to pretend I'm happy today
I feel like time doesn't stop
To be honest I'm kinda lost
And every day I don't leave the house
Is one less useful day of life
They've told me it's childhood trauma
They say it gets better with a therapist
Maybe it's a lack of religion
I prayed to God and he just ignores me
What's the point of everything I do, tell me
I don't want to pretend I'm happy today
(I always wonder how people
Accept that life is like this
Should I have been born already knowing
And everyone's pretending
I don't know, I can't accept
That I have this single life
And I don't know what to do with it
That even the longest days
Go by really fast and slow at the same time
It feels like I won't have time
But living is so exhausting too)
And that living is not knowing
Of messing up and never learning
And that nobody's that normal
But I'm already tired of seeing that
(I wanted to look at life in a more optimistic way
I didn't want to leave it
Without understanding the reason for all this)