(Some days it's hard to get out of bed
_____
I feel like I'm not really there, you know?
_____
It feels like I'm a spectator
_____
This search of mine for meaning is so meaningless
_____
but even so I keep searching)
_____
I'm rational even in my emotions
_____
I want something concrete even in the abstract
_____
Give me the certainty that you want me too
_____
I don't like theories, I work with facts
_____
I hate all of life's uncertainties
_____
Every maybe you always tell me
_____
Give me the guarantee of a perfect future
_____
Instability always splits us up
_____
What's the point of everything I do, tell me
_____
I don't want to pretend I'm happy today
_____
I feel like time doesn't stop
_____
To be honest I'm kinda lost
_____
And every day I don't leave the house
_____
Is one less useful day of life
_____
They've told me it's childhood trauma
_____
They say it gets better with a therapist
_____
Maybe it's a lack of religion
_____
I prayed to God and he just ignores me
_____
What's the point of everything I do, tell me
_____
I don't want to pretend I'm happy today
_____
(I always wonder how people
Accept that life is like this
_____
Should I have been born already knowing
_____
And everyone's pretending
_____
I don't know, I can't accept
_____
That I have this single life
_____
And I don't know what to do with it
_____
That even the longest days
_____
Go by really fast and slow at the same time
_____
It feels like I won't have time
_____
To do everything I need
_____
But living is so exhausting too)
_____
And I know I'm wrong
And that living is not knowing
Of messing up and never learning
_____
And I know I'm wrong
_____
And that nobody's that normal
_____
But I'm already tired of seeing that
_____
(I wanted to look at life in a more optimistic way
_____
I didn't want to leave it
_____
Without understanding the reason for all this)